forty one

forty one.  this is how many years I was able to be with my mom here on this earth for.

mothers day has been very bitter-sweet for me since my mom passed away suddenly, nearly 3 years ago.  not a day/night has gone by without me thinking of her, missing her......wishing she was still here, wishing I could press "mom" on my cell phone to ask her a quick question, ask her how her day is going, or just call her for no reason @ all. I miss her very much, sometimes it still literally hurts my heart.

going through a few old albums I have, I found this photo of my mom n I @ one of my bridal showers, almost 18 years ago, my mom was always "put together" unfortunately, I didn't really get that trait from her lol:)  she was always "dressed" I don't think she even owned a pair of flip-flops, & well, those are my favorite shoes to wear! we are so much alike in many ways, (you know that old saying "I'm turning into my mother") but in many ways, we are different. 

my dad moved in w/me & my family the same day my mom passed.  they were married for over 60 years, my poor dads life changed dramatically in a matter of minutes.  I am happy to be able to have him w/us here, but often times it is heart braking to see, & feel the loneliness & longing he has for her.  I snapped these shots above yesterday of him.  he was deciding whether to go on a little walk around the block, or not........he stood out there for maybe 10 minutes, & I bet that he was thinking of my mom for 9 of them.....

 on a happier note:O) like I mentioned earlier, my mom was always "dressed" she had TONS of clothes....TONS! (BUT she was a bargain hunter-so am i:) we donated about 40 nice outfits to an organization for women, that my church was gathering for....some we gave away, & I gathered a few of her "staple" clothing....blouses that she wore a little more often, a shirt she wore on our recent vacation to Italy together, her night gown she would water down her patio in EVERY day (she cleaned/washed her patio DAILY:)! one of my favorite robes she wore in the mornings, & lace from a Temple skirt she had.........

 I have a friend who is an amazing seamstress (I mean amazing!) & I came to her w/an idea I had, to make little rag dolls for myself, my kids & my sister.......& I had her make a little patchwork pillow for my dad.  I wanted to give it to them for Christmas & we only had 2 weeks or so to get them done......she said YES, & I was SO happy & excited!!!

Aren't they so adorable!  each one is a tiny bit different & each one is perfect!

even though I don't have my mom physically here on earth w/me anymore~& the thought of possibly not seeing her again for 40+ years gives me a bit of anxiety @ times, one thing I do know is that I WILL see her again, I will be able to talk to her face to face, & hug her.  I am thankful for this knowledge that I have, it brings me comfort & helps me live a little better each day.  I am thankful that I had such an amazing mother, sometimes I feel like I was spoiled because I have parents who are/were so good to me & I just hope that my kids will have the same feelings, & memories when I am no longer here physically w/them <3

This little girl is my rag dolly <3 I love her so much.  she is next to my bedside, I see her first thing in the mornings, & she is one of the last things I see @ night before I get into my bed.  it may sound a bit silly, but she is a little part of my mom that I have next to me <3 always.

Happy Mothers Day up in the Heavens mom!  I love you.